Ghosted by the World, Guided by the Gita

The First Ghost

It was late at night, and the dorm was quiet — except for us. The wardens were asleep, and we were huddled in our room, whispering and giggling. Then, one of my roommates grinned mischievously and pulled out a small, handmade Ouija board.

“Let’s call some Ghosts.”

Our school was located deep in the Himalayas, and we just got creative with mischief. None of us really knew what she meant, but there had been rumors floating around school — kids were summoning “Ghosts”, and it sounded interesting. So, caught up in the thrill of the moment, we decided to give it a shot. Laughing, daring each other, and half-scaring ourselves, we went all in — just so we’d have a wild story to tell the next day.

For days, it was all anyone in the dorm could talk about — until our warden, a devout nun, found out.

What we couldn’t see

I remember she called us over to her backyard and asked the three of us to imagine our hands and feet were tied. We knew she always taught us good things, so we tried to imagine. Then she said something I never thought:

Now, with your hands and feet bound, imagine I forced you to cook a meal. How would you feel? That’s what you’re doing to the Ghosts — you’re trapping them in a world they can’t act in. Imagine how they feel.

In that moment, my perspective shifted.

Wait, they have feelings?

I resolved, I never want to make anyone feel like that.

Little did I know that, just a couple of decades later, I would understand that feeling all too well. Except this time, I wasn’t the one summoning. I was the one being ignored — treated like I didn’t feel anything.

Once again, I decided, I will never give this pain to anyone.

The Silent Goodbye

I remember thinking I will send a text tomorrow to ask when we could talk again. I was waiting for a response and minutes turned to hours and hours turned to days. I tried again — no response. I called — someone picked up the phone, there was a momentary pause and then a click to disconnect. My heart raced, I felt confused, wondering what just happened here?

I can’t remember how many times I tried to find out what happened. For weeks I was just in sheer disbelief — did I do something wrong, was there a missed step?

Perhaps the names in your story are different, but this experience is universal.

As days turned to weeks and months, pain and guilt gave way to anger.

Why me? What did I do?

I thought if I tried again with a genuine heart, maybe I would at least get a reason, some answer.

Silence. It is as if I did not exist. I was invisible even though I was in the room.

The Blame Game

They are crazy, mean, heartless, cruel, uncultured — the list can go on. When you feel hurt and the pain seems unbearable, it may be easy to find relief in believing something is wrong with the person who hurt you. Have you felt that too?

It’s hard to look inside, since our heart is all cut up and bleeding— easier just to point the finger out. While that might bring relief, it will keep you where you are. Stuck. And that is how I felt.

Then one day, as I was diving into the ancient ocean of knowledge — Srimad Bhagavatam, I remember reading this story…

Mother, Mother

With tears in his eyes, the five-year-old prince Dhruva ran to his mother as his father had just neglected or what we may call Ghosted his attempt to just climb on his lap. His father remained silent, head turned away, as his stepmother proudly told him

First you need to die and in the next life if you are born from my womb, then you can climb onto your father’s lap.

Suruci, his saintly mother who knew what had transpired, was broken hearted on so many levels. But the first thing she told her son:

My dear son, don’t wish for anything inauspicious for others. Anyone who inflicts pains upon others suffers himself from that pain.

māmaṅgalaṁ tāta pareṣu maṁsthābhuṅkte jano yat para-duḥkhadas tat

Advising him to give up any envy from the heart, she urged him to march forward to find who he truly is beyond just being his father’s son and find out what he truly wants beyond his father’s lap.

Here, I had what I needed to be unstuck.

(The North star signifies direction and purpose, and in Bhagavad Gita, this star is called Dhruva, and this is the story of Prince Dhruva on who the star is named.)

Who am I, and what do I truly want? My purpose

Don’t waste my time hating the haters — they are gone. Moving on is not just a matter of forgetting the memories or cancelling them. We must uproot the bitterness these experiences plant in our hearts.

Deep-Rooted Impersonalism

Nothing in the world happens without a reason, and nothing happens by chance. I have a purpose, and the universe has a purpose. All the confusion and disconnection we feel are just because of various degrees of unawareness of those purposes.

Unaware of the original purpose — we have objectified the universe in the name of science. Seeing people as resources, the universe a sterile lump of matter and relationships as free form art — helps us swim on in the ocean of confusion and misdirection — drifting away slowly, hoping to find a straw called happiness.

This worldview, where everything is disconnected and devoid of personal meaning, is called impersonalism. Sterile world, everything comes from matter, all that matters is what I want, and everything is ok as long as I am happy. There is no source from where everything emanates and to whom everything belongs — Don’t tell me what to do, and I am not responsible for what I do.

And then there is the opposite consciousness— the one the yoga texts call Brahma Jigyasa.Many hit rock bottom. Few look up with humility and ask, ‘What now? Who am I really?’ Actually, I do not know what makes me happy, I do not know why I suffer, please tell me what to do, please tell me how to change.This consciousness is the beginning of true healing.

Road to Recovery 1: What message do you have for me?

Contrary to the popular im-personalistic world view, actually everything happens for a reason. Not a blade of grass moves without the will of the Supreme. If that is true, then there must be a reason for this to happen.

When summoning, people may ask the spirit, “What message do you have for me?”

When you are ghosted, instead of giving in to the hate game, you can ask the same question: What message does this person, and this experience have for me?

Rejection is not something that happens to you; it happens for you, and to move on from the pain, it is important to transition from “why is it happening to me?” to “what is the lesson in here for me?”.

As my heart started to search for lessons, I stumbled on a passage in the Bhagavad Gita:

Material nature itself is constituted by three qualities: the mode of goodness, the mode of passion and the mode of ignorance. Above these modes there is eternal time, and by a combination of these modes of nature and under the control and purview of eternal time there are activities, which are called karma. These activities are being carried out from time immemorial, and we are suffering or enjoying the fruits of our activities.

When we limit our vision to scan and search only within the active memories of this lifetime, our mind screams, “unfair.” But as we expand our vision to include our sojourn through different planets in different bodies, creating various varieties of mess-karma, we begin to realize “why me” is not the important question. The important questions are “Who am I?” and “What is my purpose?”

Just like when you are sick, it’s not so important to know exactly how you got sick; it is more important to get the fever down.

Road to Recovery 2: From Guilt to Growth

Based on who we identify as the self, life can be lived on three planes of existence: physical, mental, or spiritual

On the mental and physical plane, it’s hard to make this transition as these planes are heavily influenced by the changes in the visible external world. But if we can access the spiritual plane, the doors to change open up.

The mind flies on two wings, the past and the future. It laments for what you lost in the past and hankers for what you can have in the future. So guilt, self-doubt, guessing game of what might be the reason for your loss, these are the traps of the mind.

As long as we continue to identify with the mind as the self, it’s a downward spiral. The only way to stop this cycle is to laser beam up to a higher level of existence — the spirit.

Road to Recovery 3: Tolerance and Forgiveness

The twin qualities that give us freedom from the clutches of the mind and access to the spiritual level are tolerance and forgiveness.

titiksa dukha samrishto

Real tolerance is to tolerate the unhappiness or misery that comes unannounced and for no apparent reason. That’s the real yoga power. If we can’t tolerate unhappiness, then there is not much meaning to tolerating extreme heat, cold or hunger. Mundane peacefulness without higher consciousness about our real identity and relationship with Supreme is a dull state of mind. Real tolerance is unlocked when we act with awareness of our true identity.

Danda nyasam paramam danam

And when we are situated in proper consciousness, we give up the mentality of it’s unfair, there should be punishment. This is described as the highest kind of charity. What is the value of giving millions in the name of charity when you can’t give forgiveness?

We are spending too much energy on someone who is long gone.

Forgiveness isn’t approval. It’s freedom.

Road to Recovery 4: I am talking to the man in the mirror

Humility is the magic wand that helps transform the bitter dish of ‘victim to helpless fate’ into the sweet journey of ‘helping others’. Humility helps us see who we really are and opens the gates of knowledge that were held close by the words “I know.”

As the famous song goes …

I’m talking to the man in the mirror / I’m asking him to change his ways.

When we are ready to change our ways and consider that maybe ‘I don’t know’ we stop feeling stuck.

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.

Road to Recovery 5: From Ghosting to Spiriting

Life is not about Ghost Busting. It is about Soul finding. People have chosen their ways, ghosting, rooted in a deep sense of impersonalism, is here to stay. You can’t make it go away. But you can use this as an opportunity to connect with your real self and be situated in that identity. Bhagavad-Gita explains that such a person is

Stitha Pragya, steady like a mountain.

Not because you have a hard heart, but because you have no confusion about what’s really in your heart.

Road to Recovery 6: Your North Star, Your Rising Sun

The bird can fly high, but the sky is unlimited.

We can always improve; there is no end to it. A warrior does not seek revenge. A warrior learns, forgives, and rises again.

As I close my eyes and look ahead, far out on the horizon, I see the first rays of the rising sun, as it brings hope. And there also in the corner, I see the North Star twinkling, the lessons of the past, giving me direction and reminding me of who I truly am.

Summary

Self-doubt lies at the core of the pain we feel. Humility is the key to accessing real knowledge of the self, and tolerance and forgiveness make room in the heart for humility.

It is not that we don’t have problems after reading this article, but when you know yourself and your purpose, that sense of purpose is what truly gives us the strength to move on.

The setting sun asked the world, “I am going, but who will take on my work?”

The world remains silent, but a little lamp spoke, “I may be little, but I will try.”

And in doing so, brought the whole world hope

What small step will you take today? Which little lamp will you light today?